Crystal Condie Archives - thespyinthestalls.com

★★★★★

“This is a football play for people who don’t necessarily like football”

James Graham is writing history in real time. This open-ended chronicle of Gareth Southgate’s turnaround of the England Men’s football team’s footballing culture has built a rightful reputation as a modern sporting and theatrical epic.

Graham is known more for his political writing (including Olivier nominated This House and Best of Enemies), and here transports the debate chamber to the St George’s Park locker room over a six year period. Unexpectedly awarded the England job after Sam Allardyce’s indiscretions, Southgate steps up to first team coach, and sets about fixing what he sees is lacking from the England set up. This involves what one of the old-school physios dismisses as ‘soft stuff’, including introducing psychologist Dr Pippa Grange (played by a vibrant Dervla Kirwan) to change the team culture.

Thus starts the battle between the old and the new, the internal and the external, the brain and the brawn.

The title refers to an open letter Southgate wrote in 2021, when he eschewed de rigeur social media to connect to England fans in his own way, whilst encouraging his team to find out what playing for England means for them. The second act of the play in particular explores the pressures on the team as they struggle to define themselves against traditional expectations.

Given this focus on the internality, there’s (for some theatre-goers, thankfully) not too much exploration of the minutiae of football. No-one will be tested about the intricacies of the offside rule. Indeed, there is a lovely section where Southgate sets out his philosophy as a vision across three acts. The most football you get are the crucial penalty shootouts. These again switch the focus from the act of kicking to the mind behind the boot. Director Rupert Goold changes the set up of these throughout the piece, highlighting the churning psychology behind each.

“These are played with cartoonish guile by the excellent supporting ensemble”

Above the stage (set design Es Devlin) is a large suspended ring of light, reminiscent of the Wembley Arch and many a footballing logo. The ring also features graphics, at one stage resembling a zoetrope of penalty taking failures past (lighting design Jon Clark and video design Ash J Woodward). The stage itself has concentric rotating circles that add movement to larger crowd sequences, which feature a hilarious cast representing modern Britain, and the England team training sessions which are directed as balletic pieces with music to match.

Initially there are also individual lockers that are moved across the stage, often featuring hanging England football shirts. The first act takes place with a vintage selection, immediately establishing the history that has hung like a yoke, weighed down with that single tournament victory sixty years ago.

As Southgate, Joseph Fiennes is excellent at subtly reminding the audience of this pressure, and the missed penalty that is never far from his mind. His attention to detail of Southgate’s mannerisms is also uncanny. Little gestures, like the single finger scratch below the ear, and vocal fillers are spot on. Will Close as the inarticulate Harry Kane, Griffin Stevens as Harry Maguire, also elicit laughs every time they speak, playing with our tabloid understanding of the players. Kel Matsena also does a great job as Raheem Sterling, whose poignant comments about the racism he faced on the pitch echo on.

Graham can’t resist poking a little fun at the rotating carousel of politicians since 2016 who could take a leaf out of Dr Pippa Grange’s books about failing well. These are played with cartoonish guile by the excellent supporting ensemble, and are greeted with roars from the audience.

The wonderful costumes (Evie Gurney) here help tell the story of time passing. The team England jerseys are replaced between each of the main tournaments and matches, and this attention to detail immediately places you back to the exact pub, settee, or stadium where you were watching that year’s attempt to end the years of hurt.

I really enjoyed the cameos from Crystal Condie playing Alex Scott, the former Lioness and current pundit. Though England’s football history has been centred around the men’s team, you have a feeling the sequel will feature more women.

This is a football play for people who don’t necessarily like football. Just note, you are unlikely to get state-of-the-nation writing this good at your local terraces this weekend.

The Windsors: Endgame

Prince of Wales Theatre

Reviewed – 10th August 2021

★★★

“There is no denying, however, the zest, energy, and electricity on the stage”

The Royal Family has long been prey for satirists; ever since they stopped chopping your head off for disrespectful behaviour. From eighteenth century paintings, in literature, the press; through to today’s many outlets on the small and big screen and on stage. It is only expected, and to their credit, the Royals accept it now and often go along with it. ‘Spitting Image’ aside, the most successful place them in an alternative scenario. Sue Townsend’s ‘The Queen and I’ deprives the House of Windsor of its royal status and makes them live like normal citizens, while Mike Bartlett’s sharply observant play, ‘King Charles III’, centres on the accession of King Charles and the dissolving of parliament.

“The Windsors: Endgame” follows suit with its ‘what if’ premise, although the writers George Jeffrie and Bert Tyler-Moore tackle the subject with blunter instruments. But what is lacking in nuance is made up for in humour and topicality. I confess to not having watched any of the Channel Four television series that spawned the stage transfer, but understand that the fiction was based around real life events. On stage at the (appropriately) Prince of Wales Theatre, reality seems to be constantly wandering off, only stopped short of disappearing completely by the numerous topical gags that fire through the script.

The Queen has abdicated, and Prince Charles finally gets his hands on the crown. Not without giving us a song first. Harry Enfield clearly relishes the role of the deluded Charles, with echoes of Alan Bennett’s ‘Madness of King George’. Tracy-Ann Oberman’s Camilla is one of the highlights, a mix of Cruella de Ville and Lady Macbeth. Matthew Cottle opens the evening as Edward, throwing in jokes about his stint as Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s production assistant (tea-boy). We are rapidly introduced to pretty much the whole household thereafter. It obviously focuses on Wills and Harry, Kate and Meghan; but Fergie, Andrew, Beatrice and Eugenie are all in the writers’ sightline. The feuds are as exaggerated as the characterisation and the jokes are presented with a fanfare that makes them impossible to miss.

The lack of subtlety places Michael Fentiman’s production in pantomime territory. Albeit not one for all the family. But profanity and sexual innuendo cannot really disguise the predictability of the jokes. Unfortunately, what it does disguise, even dismantles, is the potential cleverness of the plot. But then again, I am obviously missing the point and I concede gracefully, being surrounded by a packed house that is lapping up every moment.

And it has to be admitted there is a lot to cherish here, and once you’re in the mood you start enjoying it as much as the cast are. Kara Tointon and Crystal Condie are delightful as the sparring Kate and Meghan; matched by Ciarán Owens and Tom Durant-Pritchard as Wills and Harry, torn between love and duty and family responsibility (throwing in a bit of accidental wife-swapping too!). The characters on the side-lines are the more interesting: Sophie-Louise Dann is a wonderful Fergie, ultimately standing by Tim Wallers’ naughty but nice cad Andrew; while Jenny Rainsford and Eliza Butterworth are great fun to watch as Beatrice and Eugenie.

Less fun are the impromptu musical numbers which crop up incongruously, and merely serve to repeat many of the jokes that are already in danger of being wrung dry. There is no denying, however, the zest, energy, and electricity on the stage. Try as you might to find fault, you cannot help giving in eventually, and breaking into a reluctant smile. That’s when you realise you are way behind the rest of the audience who have been smiling from the start. Even if The Windsors aren’t for you, give them a break. You’re probably the odd one out.

DEAR ENGLAND at the Prince Edward Theatre

★★★★★

“This is a football play for people who don’t necessarily like football”

“These are played with cartoonish guile by the excellent supporting ensemble”

DEAR ENGLAND at the Prince Edward Theatre

Reviewed on 19th October 2023

by Rosie Thomas

Photography by Marc Brenner

Previously reviewed at this venue:

Dear England

Dear England

Prince of Wales Theatre

Reviewed – 10th August 2021

★★★

“There is no denying, however, the zest, energy, and electricity on the stage”

Reviewed by Jonathan Evans

Photography by Marc Brenner

The Windsors: Endgame

Prince of Wales Theatre until 9th October

Previously reviewed this year by Jonathan: