WHAT IF THEY ATE THE BABY?

Edinburgh Festival Fringe

★★★★

“The chemistry between the two is electric”

Dottie and Shirley look like they’ve stepped straight out of a 1950s homemaker advert; perfect dresses, perfect hair, and the kind of fixed smiles that make you wonder what they’re hiding.

Fringe First-winners Xhloe and Natasha bring their signature mix of clowning, movement, and dark humour to a story that starts in a spotless kitchen and spirals into something far stranger. Shirley is scrubbing the chess board floor when Dottie drops by to return a casserole dish. They exchange polite, clipped small talk, moving with the mechanical precision of music box dolls. Somewhere upstairs, unseen footsteps creak. We never find out who (or what) they belong to, but we’re instantly on edge at this ominous presence which seems to frighten them both.

The scene plays again. And again. Each time the words are the same, but the mood shifts: warmth melts into desperation, cheerfulness into dread. It’s a masterclass in pacing and control, the pair able to flick from humour to skin-prickling in a heartbeat, the tragi-comedy of the clowning perfectly captured in their delivery.

Between these loops come bursts of stylised movement, transforming everyday gestures into playful, sometimes violent, dance. Contemporary rap beats rub shoulders with nostalgic tunes. At one point they’re on the table, legs entwined, discussing which part of the other they’d eat first. Later they’re kissing with wild abandon. Are they friends, lovers, or something else entirely? The piece never tells you outright, and that mystery is part of the thrill.

The attention to detail is exceptional. Every tilt of the head, every flicker of the eyes, is part of the story. The chemistry between the two is electric, and the trust they share on stage lets them take the audience right to the edge of comedy and fear without losing balance.

Beyond the clowning, it’s clear that both performers are also exceptional actors, managing to convey the underlying subtext that’s progressively creeping under the surface of the dialogue. It’s a brilliantly crafted performance, and retains the superb integrity, slickness and self-awareness that the duo have shown in their other work.

With a neat 50-minute run time, it feels like the piece could benefit from an extra ten minutes or so to go a little deeper, but what they manage in the time is gripping and unsettling. It’s a strange, stylised, surreal take on the role and anxieties of women in America, and despite the 50s setting, it feels disturbingly contemporary; like one of them is having a nightmare that we’ve somehow all got stuck in.

WHAT IF THEY ATE THE BABY?

Edinburgh Festival Fringe

Reviewed on 9th August 2025 at Upper Theatre at theSpace @ Niddry St

by Joseph Dunitz

Photography by Molly White

WHAT IF THEY ATE THE BABY?

★★★

“Billy Walker has come up with a strong concept”

Joan Collins Blocked Me On Twitter is the brainchild of Billy Walker, who comes to us from Los Angeles, dripping in awards. In this 60 minute monologue, he gives us actor Theodore Emory Jones (stage name Thor Jones) who has landed quite close to the iconic Hollywood sign in LA, hoping to win a recurring role in his dream series, Dynasty.

Theodore, or Thor, has had a privileged upbringing under the care of his governess Helga von Winkle. He appears before us dressed in silk pyjamas and velvet slippers, naturally. He sets up an easy rapport with the audience, berating those who arrive late, and uttering a dismissive “suit yourself” every time we fail to respond enthusiastically—but not too enthusiastically, if you please—to the jokes. Thor is an engaging fellow, especially when explaining his obsession with tea. He is an Upper Crust Englishman on steroids, who has spent enough time in LA to be strangely familiar with Koreatown, and the BBC (Bonnie Baker Casting). Most of Thor’s time is spent talking with his agent on the phone, reminiscing with Helga (offstage), and treating us to a series of extravagant costume changes for a self audition videotape he is preparing. This tape depends on the role he is hoping to land, and he is often interrupted. So we get Alexis Carrington’s English butler in Dynasty, or a brightly coloured Elf for a Christmas commercial, to name just two. Thor’s one sided conversations with Judy (and the audience) are punctuated with short videos as Thor gives us the skinny on how these roles panned out.

Billy Walker has come up with a strong concept with Joan Collins Blocked Me On Twitter, but it’s short on details. We never learn, for instance, exactly why Joan Collins blocked Thor Jones on Twitter (and to refer to Twitter as X would be unfortunate in these circumstances). Vague hints are given regarding poorly chosen gifts left in Dame Joan’s trailer, and a funny video suggests that Alexis Carrington does not like her English butler. This show doesn’t really have much to do with Dynasty. It’s a comic take on the actor’s life, and a pretty accurate one, actually. No glitzy Awards shows, nor lunches in Beverly Hills celebrity spotting—just a man, at home with his phone, and his collection of teapots. Walker has created a sympathetic character nonetheless, and when the hapless Jones nabs a role—any role—we are there to cheer him on. With a bit more polish on the script, and some judicious cutting, Joan Collins Blocked Me On Twitter could be, who knows? Definitely not Fleabag, but maybe the great lady of the title might drop in one evening to see what became of Alexis’ butler once she fired him.

For anglophiles everywhere, and UK actors who are Los Angeles curious.

Tag Archives: EFR25

WHAT IF THEY ATE THE BABY?

★★★★

Edinburgh Festival Fringe

WHAT IF THEY ATE THE BABY?

Edinburgh Festival Fringe

★★★★

“The chemistry between the two is electric”