THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

Bridge House Theatre

★★★½

“a noir pastiche, a caper, a Pink Panther-esque rollcall of mishaps, long shadows and sharp reversals”

The chief quality of Irish bar fly Mike Malloy is right there in the title. He won’t die.

And this is a major problem for a growing band of co-conspirators in this insurance scam. Because they really need Mike Malloy to die.

Until he does, they are spending money hand over fist to fund their increasingly outlandish plots.

But Malloy is the “Rasputin of the Bronx”, downing whisky and all sorts of other wicked substances, coming back each time if not stronger then at least not dead, as he should be. A lesser man would have gone down in the first. A sober man would have realised his friends were not his friends. For example, a closer inspection would have revealed the true contents of his freebie sardine sandwich.

Not iron-bellied Mike Malloy, he of the remarkable bounce-backability, amiable stupidity, bottomless tab and drunken Irish ditties. Not Mike the Durable.

And the thing of it is, it’s all true.

Playwright and director Luke Adamson seized on the story after hearing the podcast Things Are About To Get Weird. He had to go back and check again because the story is astounding. The story is a gift.

It’s 1933 and this small-scale production leans heavily into period. There’s a jazzy soundtrack (sound designer Dan Bottomley), a sleazy air of neon, and dry ice (way too much dry ice). People say, “I tell ya” and “It’s our only shot” and a nasally “yeah” making it three syllables and two octaves.

Plotter-in-chief is Francis Pasqua (a light touch from Will Croft), with his trilby and Sam Spade narration. He is a funeral director, so he knows a lot of relevant guys. Elsewhere we have Bryan Pilkington as jovial soak Mike Malloy and Stefani Ariza as speakeasy owner Toni Marino. The pair fill out a full cast of Noo York drunk-tank archetypes with a tonal tweak here and there, having endless fun doing so.

Everything is wry up to the eyeballs – a noir pastiche, a caper, a Pink Panther-esque rollcall of mishaps, long shadows and sharp reversals.

The script wants you to laugh. There are knowing quips about import tariffs and how no-one would be stupid enough to do that again. Pantomime tiptoeing. Jokes about jugs. They are on the cusp of indulgence and the play wouldn’t suffer for their excision.

But ultimately, you’re pulled back in by Mike Malloy and his inability to die. And there’s much fun to be had re-discovering this astounding fact time and again in 80 entertaining minutes.

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

Bridge House Theatre

Reviewed on 10th July 2025

by Giles Broadbent

Photography by Cam Harle Photo

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THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

★★★

“delivers on festive cheer and wholesome family entertainment”

Upon arrival, the corridor to the theatre is packed with an expectant audience, all of adult size barring one. Nonetheless there is a feeling of festive excitement. It seems no matter how suited up and cynical we become, everybody wants a little bit of magic this time of year, and a Christmas Cinderella show seems just the ticket.

Four of the five cast members begin as puppeteers for paper birds and an infant Ella, whilst Bryan Pilkington plays a benevolent and charming father. We’re introduced to Ella first as a crying bundle in a basket, then as a marionette; a clever bit of prop use sees a pair of empty boots being puppeteered about to portray Ella’s adolescence, and finally we are introduced to Molly Byrne as the fully-grown Ella.

Her father’s death is announced by the arrival of step-siblings played by Aimee Louise Bevan and Joel Black, wearing private school uniforms and punishing scowls. Bryan Pilkington transforms effortlessly on stage from kindly father to evil step-mother as he dons a haughty countenance, house coat and matching snood.

The general plot plays out as we expect, with Ella flung in to the role of lowly servant Cinderella, generally being tormented by her new and nasty family. She of course retains a twinkle in her eye and, whilst playing in the forest, she encounters the prince, as played by Charlie Bateman. Here the two bond over a shared avian passion, and Cinderella impresses with her great knowledge of bird calls rather than an innate delicacy and ladylikeness as the classic fairytale would have it, whilst Bateman’s prince is all limbs and enthusiasm, over the sullen and rebellious heir we have come to expect. Instead of glass slippers we have studded Dr. Martens, and instead of the dreaded panto audience participation, we have a pleasantly awkward chat with the prince, trying out his party banter. Most pleasing of all the production choices, though, is Ella’s stepbrother who, rather than conforming to the two-dimensional spoilt brat trope, shows some character nuance, developing a kinship with Ella and gaining her trust as a confidante. Black plays both nasty and nice equally convincingly, and though he’s let down a little by his singing, he pulls off the part very well.

Whilst it’s near impossible to avoid the syrupy sweetness of the Cinderella fairytale, the slightly bloody ending smacks a little of Roald Dahl’s take on proceedings rather than Walt Disney’s, and we enjoy a fairly ominous minor pastiche of ‘The Birds’ in serving the evil step-mother her just deserts.

Well-timed lighting and sound give the illusion of a much grander set-up than a fifty-seat pub theatre, and on the whole, the production does a lot with a little. There are some ropey vocals, and at times there’s a bit too much acting considering the intimacy of the auditorium, nonetheless, the Jack Studio Theatre delivers on festive cheer and wholesome family entertainment.

Reviewed by Miriam Sallon

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

Bridge House Theatre

★★★½

“a noir pastiche, a caper, a Pink Panther-esque rollcall of mishaps, long shadows and sharp reversals”

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

Bridge House Theatre

Reviewed on 10th July 2025

by Giles Broadbent

Photography by Cam Harle Photo

Recently reviewed by Giles:

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

THE UNKILLABLE MIKE MALLOY

Jack Studio Theatre

Reviewed – 14th December 2018

★★★

“delivers on festive cheer and wholesome family entertainment”

Reviewed by Miriam Sallon

Cinderella

Jack Studio Theatre

Last ten shows reviewed at this venue:

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