★★★★

“it’s a joy to watch the exuberant camaraderie spread among the cast”

When Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve’s “La Belle et la Bête” was first published in the early eighteenth century, it rapidly entered into folklore, spreading beyond its native France to Italy, Spain, Portugal, Belgium, Eastern Europe, Scandinavia, Southern and Eastern Asia and North and South America. You could say worldwide, I guess. Along the way it adopted many different titles, but we all know it by its literal translation, “Beauty and the Beast”. Why am I telling you this? You already know. Embedded in childhood and then reinforced in adulthood through stage and screen, the story is like a comfort blanket for us; a seasonal favourite – instantly familiar.

Familiar, that is, until writers Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper get their filthy little fingers on it. The story’s path does kind of lead you from start to finish, but its twisting, staggering, drunken meanderings will trip you up from the outset. ‘Losing the plot’ is an apt phrase here. It’s best just to follow blindly and go with the flow. Though you’re still likely to lose your footing, for you’ll be creasing up with laughter. You simply won’t have time, nor the inclination, to scrutinise the storyline.

We are in the Scottish hamlet of Lickmanochers (neighbouring village, Suckmacoch, is just across the valley). The eponymous ‘Beauty’ is now Bertie, who helps run the town’s only petrol station/general store along with his sister and overbearing mother. They each seem to be looking for love, or rather just the raunchy side effects. This is “Beauty and the Beast: A Horny Love Story” after all. Some may argue it’s nonsense, but that just shows a lack of imagination. It goes without saying, surely, that our protagonists will end up on a North Sea oil rig staffed by pop band Village People’s failed auditionees. Via the beast’s castle of course. The beast is called Charlie (a pretty sexy beast, mind, if you happen to go for the hirsute look). Bertie’s sister, Bonnie, hits it off with good fairy, Juno, but by now Bertie is too busy rescuing his mum, Flora, from the beast’s castle to notice. Charlie’s brother, the villainous Cornelius, is responsible for his beastly curse. True love will put it all to rights, with the help of magic plums, origami table decorations that are actually legal documents pertinent to the plot, adult jokes-a-plenty, some cracking songs and dollops of cream pies flung into the audience.

It’s all over the top, but the cast perform with a restraint that allows the clever witticisms to land perfectly alongside the obvious jokes. The songs are sassy – hilariously warped Disney pastiches – while the dialogue is strewn with filmic and theatre references, many of which may be missed; but don’t worry – there’s plenty to go round. And it’s a joy to watch the exuberant camaraderie spread among the cast. Matt Kennedy plays Bertie with a wide-eyed innocence – like a children’s television presenter who lets his scandalous side slip once the cameras stop rolling. Laura Anna-Mead, as his sapphic sister, is a cheeky wee lass that Dani Mirels’ Juno understandably finds irresistible. Chris Lane is all moustachioed villainy as the baddie Cornelius and Keanu Adolphus Johnson’s beast is an unexpected heartthrob. Many in the audience might wonder why Bertie would want to reverse the curse on this dashing castle-dweller. At the heart of the show is Matthew Baldwin as Flora. The epitome of the ‘dame’, Baldwin is ‘extraordinaire’; holding the audience in the palm of his hands with a seasoned ease, while sporting some delightfully outlandish costumes (designer Robert Draper provides the sartorial icing on the cake).

Billed as a queer pantomime, it out spins its classification. The irreverence and humour is obviously targeted, but the unashamedly adult humour is universal. The theatre company, ‘He’s Behind You’, are behind this show and it has the balance spot on. Anybody can in indulge in the mischievous magic. Well – almost anybody. This ‘horny love story’ is not what you’d call a family show. But it welcomes you into its own naughty little ménage. Gorgeously gay – whatever dictionary you’re using to define the word.

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK: WHAT A WHOPPER! at Charing Cross Theatre

★★★

“some great, high-energy performances and a really superb design”

Following last year’s Sleeping Beauty Takes a Prick!, the same creative team returns to the Charing Cross Theatre with another riotously naughty adult pantomime: Jack and the Beanstalk: What a Whopper! This outrageous take on the beloved fairytale, written by Jon Bradfield and Martin Hooper, promises all the glitter and glamour of traditional panto, but with a decidedly adult twist. Packed with innuendos, saucy humour, and fabulous designs, it’s an unashamedly queer festive night out.

The show’s design is truly marvellous, with David Shields’ award-winning talents on full display. The set bursts with vibrant colour and whimsical detail, perfectly capturing the silly yet sophisticated tone of the production. Glittering pink and blue clouds frame the stage and floor, giving a cohesive, cartoon-like charm that’s both nostalgic and fresh. Scene transitions, from Dame Dolly’s kitchen to a graveyard and even then to the sky, are executed with seamless flair, ensuring the visual storytelling flows effortlessly. Perhaps the most important part of any version of this particular story is, of course, the reveal of the beanstalk. Shields’ design absolutely does not disappoint, with the phallic shaped stalk bursting onto the scene with great delight from the audience.

Robert Draper and Sandy Lloyd’s costumes are equally delightful, combining bold colours, traditional panto flair and some fun little tricks too. Matthew Baldwin’s Dame Dolly has perhaps a dozen changes throughout the show, donning various wigs and dresses, and at one glorious moment appearing in a Norma Desmond-inspired number, reflecting her character’s backstory as a failed soap opera star.

Matthew Baldwin is right at home as he returns to the adult pantomime and absolutely lives up to his reputation. He builds a great rapport with the audience, gracing the stage with ease, effortlessly balancing the character’s brash humour and softer moments. Chris Lane, swapping last year’s villainous role for Dale the fairy, is another standout. His cheeky rapport with the audience, impeccable comic timing, and flirtatious stage presence adds endless charm. Lane’s dynamic with Keanu Adolphus Johnson’s Jack Trott is particularly entertaining, with their playful exchanges offering plenty of laughs.

Johnson brings a likeable quality to Jack, capturing the character’s charm. While his performance might benefit from bolder characterisation, his chemistry with the rest of the cast and general presence is lovely. Laura Anna-Mead, as Simple Simone, has boundless energy from her first entrance, becoming hilariously giddy when talking about her big crush.

Jordan Stamatiadis also returns to this year’s panto as the villainous Lady Fleshcreep. Stamatiadis has a commanding onstage presence and shows off a gloriously evil voice. Meanwhile, Joe Grundy as Reverend Tim, navigating a comic sexual awakening, provides some laughs, though could push the physical characterisation much further.

Carole Todd’s choreography brings lots of joy and energy to the stage. Matt Hockley’s lighting design enhances this further, bathing the action in vibrant colours and dynamic effects that amplify the panto’s glittering atmosphere.

While the script delivers its fair share of laugh-out-loud moments, packed with smutty innuendos and one-liners, the narrative could be tightened. Scenes drift a little and could do with more focus as it journeys through each beat of the story. Likewise, musically, the original songs don’t do much to drive the narrative and aren’t exactly catchy or memorable. A brief moment of Beyonce is very welcome and further use of parodying pre-existing songs would really elevate the show to the next level.

Jack and the Beanstalk: What a Whopper! has some great, high-energy performances and a really superb design. The humour sometimes lands and sometimes doesn’t, and I think the show would overall benefit from focussing a bit more on story and a little less on joke after joke, which starts to get a little tiring. Above all, I think this is a pantomime team which knows its audience, and I’m sure many will really enjoy this year’s offering.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: A HORNY LOVE STORY

Charing Cross Theatre

★★★★

“it’s a joy to watch the exuberant camaraderie spread among the cast”

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: A HORNY LOVE STORY

Charing Cross Theatre

Reviewed on 4th December 2025

by Jonathan Evans

Photography by Steve Gregson

Most recent shows reviewed at this venue:

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK: WHAT A WHOPPER! at Charing Cross Theatre

★★★

“some great, high-energy performances and a really superb design”

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK: WHAT A WHOPPER! at Charing Cross Theatre

Reviewed on 28th November 2024

by Joseph Dunitz

Photography by Steve Gregson

Previously reviewed at this venue:

JACK AND THE

JACK AND THE

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